Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
 Do I Tell Her I Like Men?
 plus Addicted To You

Dear Angelo,
I am in my third marriage to a woman for 3 1/2 years. I am havingsexual urges for a man. I have been suppressing this feeling for many, many years. It's getting harder to do. I'm 49 now.I don't know what to do. Should I tell her? I am afraid it will ruin my marriage.
Signed, Afraid To Tell
Dear Afraid To Tell,
If you're on your third marriage, something is already missing inyour relationships and ruining them. At 49, it's time to be more honest with yourself. A desire for men that strengthens over time is not part of a heterosexual male's orientation. You could be bisexual or gay. Since this is your third marriage, whatisn't working is you keeping a lid on it, not you telling. So tell her your secret. She'll either join you (if she's welcome) or leave you, but an honest partnership is best.
Dear Angelo,
I just can't get a guy off my mind.Why can't I just get over him? Why won't my mind stop reminding me? I feel out of control.My friends say that I must love this guy. I have never been in love so I am not sure.He broke up with me. I used to be able to move on easily. Now I identify with bad love songs!I'm still pining over him.
Signed, Still Crying
Dear Still Crying,
Love can be an addiction. Sounds like you have a love addiction. To quit him, like any bad habit, you have to break all ties. Don't see him. Put away photos and reminders of him. Resist all temptation to contact him or respond to his contact. This means don't havecontact with him by phone, email,IM, texting, letters, etc. This will behard and painful as withdrawal is. Get support. Every time youwant to contract him, call a friend instead who knows. Every time you think of him distract yourself. Put him away in a box on a shelf in your mind. Force yourself to think of something else. Hugs are great andget Kelly Clarkson's CD - Breakaway. Read How To Recover From A Breakup in the Ask Angelo archives at Stick with it and heal.


Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.

Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003.Worldwide Telephone Consultation also Available.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved

Mailing List