Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
plus Anal Straight Guy
By Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
My best friend always wants to talk about our relationship. To me, it's not good. I mean we should just havegood times and take it as it comes. Relationships should be natural and not forced. Maybe we're not a good combo. What do you think?
Signed, Let It Happen
Dear Let It Happen,
I understand that relationships can be hard work and that many folks don't like confrontation. But you may have to rethink your ideas about relationships. Don't worry, you're in good company. So much so, that I madea list -10 relationshipmyths. I think this will be helpful to you.Here are 10 common myths of close relationships:
1. A good relationship just happens naturally and doesn't require good ongoing communication.
2.The other person should know what makes me happy. I shouldn't have to tell them.
3.Conflict isn't a part of a healthyrelationship.
4. We have to be a lot alike and always agree.
5. I like everything about the other person.
6. We should always have a good time.
7. All we need is the two of us.
8. The other person will always be there, so I can take them for granted, criticize or mistreat them.
9.I don't have to tell the other person what I like about them anymore or give them compliments.
10.It's selfish to wanttime for myself away from the other person.
Bonus: It's always their fault.
All The Best, Angelo.
I'm a straight guy, but I likeanal sex. Does this mean I'm gay?
Signed, Anal For All
Dear Anal For All,
Just because you find anal sex pleasurable, doesn't mean you're gay. And just because you're gay doesn't mean you find anal sex pleasurable. While anal sex and gayness are closely associated, they don't have to be.Being "gay" is about a physical, psychological,spiritual and political orientation. It's notdefined merely by a physical sex act. Having anal sex isn't just agay thing.
Two gay men may never have anal sex and two straight dudes in prison might. A fair percentage of heterosexual couples report having anal intercourse. It may be to avoid pregnancy or just for the enjoyment of it.Obviouslyit's themen that are the insertive partners, but not always. The woman may use toys or fingersto penetrate the man. Some men even do this on their own while masturbating to alter the intensity of their orgasmic experience.
So just because you do things to that area,doesn't mean you're gay. Our bodies are sensual and feel pleasure when sensitive areas arestimulated. Anal sex gets a bad rap because of thereligious views and thestigma against gays.But if you like it, it's OK, and it does not mean you're gay. I hope this helps clear up your confusion.
All The Best, Angelo
The Gay Man's Therapist
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