Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
 Sex With Younger Guys
 and Help! My Parents Tossed Me Onto The Streets!


Dear Angelo,

I'm in my forties and am drawn to guys in their early twenties, but it always ends up not working. How come I'm attracted to guys half my age?

Signed, Chicken

Dear Chicken,

The obvious and simple answer is that youth is attractive to men. In evolutionary theory youth represents virility and is therefore attracting. Another is that the fountain of youth has been sought for all time. Perhaps you are trying to stay young yourself by having young hotties at your side. But on a deeper level, I wonder what age was hardest for you coming out?

While I have no way of knowing, I imagine that it was around your early twenties. Sometimes, we look outside of ourselves toward others to feel fulfilled. However, I bet if you turned within and met yourself there instead, you will find surprising rewards.

It is possible that you are actually seeking to heal the twenty something year old in you through others. By getting with younger guys, you may be attempting to heal the part of yourself that was hurting at that age. When you were in your early twenties, did you desire someone to befriend you, mentor you into gay manhood, love you (not even in a sexual way) and do the things you do for these guys? Of course. We all needed this guidance at some point. It is a grave loss that the generations of older and younger gays don't interact more. The myth of the "lecherous troll" gets in the way.

I suggest you try exploring inner child work with the help of a therapist. You can begin by writing a letter from you to yourself at that age. What would you tell your young man? Then you can write a letter back to yourself from him. A copy of Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw has many other useful exercises. But focus on befriending your own inner child. Then your relationships can improve.

Dear Angelo,

I am a openly gay 19 year old with a 18 year old bf. Recently I was thrown out of my aunt's house. I now live with my parents. Now were being thrown out of here! I have no job, no place to live. What do I do? Please help!

Signed, Homeless In Beantown

If you are in Boston go to the Justice Resource Institute for immediate support. Otherwise try your local Gay Adolescent Social Services (GLASS) or PFLAG group. Also request free counseling for support right away. Besides what you know in your head, you hold against hope in your heart that at least your parents will love you unconditionally. Being gay is not a choice. Take this to the bank - It is not you, but others who are not thinking clearly. If a person tosses their child onto the street what does it say about them? What community backlash would happen to a parent if they tossed their straight child onto the street? I know it still hurts, but never blame yourself. There are allies that will love you now just as you are. Someday your family may come around. If not, you can still choose a new loving family. Please call me free of charge if you need more assistance.

This kind of response from our loved ones deeply saddens me. Terrible things happen to our gay brothers and sisters in our own backyard and around the world every day. Why is this commonplace? Iran barbarically hung two teens, ages 18 and 16, on July 19, 2005 for being gay. How come the 2004 Abu Ghraib Prison reports were made to be even more horrific because there were gay acts involved? In our own country, Ronnie Paris beat his 3 year old son so he would not grow up to be "soft." He beat his son to death in 2003. We all need to respond more against gay oppression now.


Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.

Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003.Worldwide Telephone Consultation Also Available.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved

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