Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

 Resolving Relationship Problems

Dear Angelo,
My partner has a problem with sex and I don't know how to confront him about it. Any suggestions?
Signed, Timid
Dear Timid,
Don't doubt yourself. Being gay in a straight world already proves you are strong and brave like a G.I. Billy Doll. You can muster up the courage it takes to stand your ground. I suggest trying my Firm Formula. This communication strategy can be used for couples, friends and family about anything. It has five steps.
Step 1) Begin with a positive statement about how you feel about the person. "I love you and I'm concerned about you."
Step 2) Next state your intentions about the relationship. "I really want this to work between us."
Step 3) Lay out the problem as you see it, using concrete examples of the person's behavior. "I think you may have a sex addiction because you do x, y, z..."
Step 4) Explain how the problem affects you and your relationship to the person. "I feel insecure and I can't trust you so I pull away."
Step 5) Ask for what you need. "I need you to stop tricking on the side."
Step 6) Problem solve. "We can go to a twelve step meeting together or see a couple's therapist."
Now you're on your way to successful communicating!
All My Best, Angelo.
Dear Angelo,
Lately, I've been drinking more than usual, and slipping up by not using a condom for anal intercourse. My best friend says I should see a shrink. What do you think?
Signed Bareback
I think your friend is right.
While there are many reasons for barebacking, it may be a sign that there are deeper emotional issues going on with you. Unsafe sex can be a way to get pleasure and closeness when you may be feeling low-esteem, depressed and lonely.It can be hard as a gay man to find true love/intimacy with other gay men. Perhaps seeing no other way to get it, you may be self-medicating an inner emptiness with raw sex, because it can bring afeeling of closeness.
Since you're aware you're putting yourself at risk, yet you continue to do it, it signifies a problem. This is self-sabotaging and self-destructive behavior. A psychotherapist can help you identify, work through and resolve your issues. Once you feel better about yourself and your life, you can choose to make healthier choices, taking care of yourself.
Stop unsafe sex and start protecting yourself today. You're worth it.
All The Best, Angelo.


Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

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