Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote

Angelo Pezzote
M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.
 10 Keys To Making Love Last
 plus Tackling Temptation


Dear Angelo,

How can I make a summer love stay around?

Signed, Sizzler

Dear Sizzler,

Summer can lend itself to a rapid romance and sizzling sex. For one thing people wear less. It's like free advertising. What you see is what you get. But if you want things to last, you'll have to go beyond the surface. Here are 10 keys to make summer love stick around.

1.) Daily maintenance. Any lasting quality relationship doesn't just happen. It takes work and effort. What you give is what you get.
2.) Open communication. It's a two way street. Think versatile. Clear communication can avoid a lot of misunderstandings and unnecessary hurt feelings. This includes the bedroom.Talk about sex as well as your issues.
3.) Don't have expectations. Make your wants, needs and desires clear. He can't read your mind.
4.) Stay connected and intimate. Ask him "what's new" or "how was your day" - and listen.
5.) Try to understand his perspective on things. Come from a place of love and compassion.
6.) Respect. Don't criticize him. Practice patience and forgiveness rather than nagging.
7.) Compromise. Avoid trying to change someone. Avoid losing your own identity too. Find mutual ground.
8.) Appreciate him for what he is. Remember what attracted you to him. Give him compliments.
9.) Support and encourage things that are important to him.
10.) Keep things fresh. Newness and spontaneity keep the fires burning. Keep dating and romancing him no matter how long you've been together. Spice sex up with role plays, new positions, foods, accessories and fantasy. For ideas rent MeetThe Fockers.

Well there you have it. Use these keys to keep the temperature hot for all seasons.

All The Best, Angelo.

Dear Angelo,

I have a good gay boy side and a bad gay boy side. How do I live my life?

Signed, Dual Nature

Dear Dual Nature,

Unless you're in recovery, the idea is to strive for balance. Don't go to either of the extremes.

I was out with a friend on Saturday night over Memorial Day weekend. We stopped in a few gay bars. A part of me wanted to let off some steam, but I knew I had a lot to do on Sunday. I was tempted to let loose by everything that was going on around me. But I stayed on the right path for me. I drank water and made it an early night. I deferred some short term gratification. On Sunday, I was able to get up early, enjoy the beautiful day and get everything I needed to do accomplished successfully. Another time, I may make a different choice. It's all the good that makes the occasional "bad" more fun. This is not meant to endorse excessive alcohol use or any drug use.

The point is to make the right choice each time, keeping perspective of what will best serve you over the longer haul. Ask yourself, what choice will lead to my greater happiness or higher purpose overall. Will power takes a lot of strength. But I know you can do it, because you're strong. Gays are naturally strong and resilient from having to live in a straight world. Transport that strength into your decision making.

All The Best, Angelo.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C.

The Gay Man's Therapist

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Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003. Worldwide Telephone Consultation Also Available.

Angelo Pezzote, M.A., N.C.C., L.M.H.C., All Rights Reserved

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