Ask Angelo - Angelo Pezzote
plus Your Job Or Your Love
I've been with my life partner for nine years.I still love him very much and he loves me very much. We're soul mates. I have been offered a promotion.It is a lot more money and a big title. It is everything I've worked for and ever dreamed of for my career. The thing is it requires me moving overseas and my partner definitely can't move abroad because of his career.Angelo, what do I do?
Signed, Befuddled in Buffalo
Dear Befuddled in Buffalo,
Wow.This is a very difficult choice. Making choices between two things you really want are the hardest ones to make. Iimagine the tug of war you may be feeling inside. You may be crying out for the peace that only a decision can bring.
Don't go. On your deathbed, it isn't the money or title you're going to remember in your life. It's the love. Love is the most important commodity in life. Don't sacrifice your true love for the ideals of capitalism. Keep the relationship you have rather than making your job your new relationship.
I think many peopleare depressed because too much emphasis is placed on work and materialism in Western culture.Like Madonna sings, "nothing really matters, love is all we need."
Sure, passing on this job might hurt. Buttrue love is something you can never replace or get back once it's gone. And love will make you richer, more fulfilled and happier than anything else in the world.
All the best, Angelo.
Me and my partner are taking a vacation. He wants to go to South Beach. I want to go to Provincetown. Neither of us want to go to the other place. How do we work this out?
Signed, Where To Go
Dear Where To Go,
The important thing to me is that youspend your vacation together,not where you go. The purpose is to enjoy yourselves together no matter where you go. A vacation can be a great way to reinvigorate a relationship. Use this vacation asa way to reconnect and bond with each other.Have itbring you closer. So rather than be divided over who wants to go where - compromise and come together.
Write"Provincetown" and "South Beach" on two pieces of paper. Toss them in a hat and draw one. Agree ahead of time that this isn't about manly things like competition, winning or power. One partner willget his choice.Theother partner will not. But if the"loser" gladly goesto the place his love likes,then he will actually come out awinner.He can be happy inknowing that the place makes his partnerhappy, and by doingthat he will begivinghim a gift of love. Just go and focus on having a great time together. Relish one another.
All the best, Angelo
The Gay Man's Therapist
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