Ask Angelo

Angelo Pezzote
 Does Size Really Matter - Just How Big Is The Average Penis?
 plus Is A Straight Guy Hitting On Me?

Dear Angelo,

I was staying at a youth hostel and this really hot guy asked me to go out for a drink. I wasn't sure if he was gay so I didn't go. I regret it now. What should I have done?

Signed, Lame

Dear Lame,

Don't be so hard on yourself. People who are traveling that use hostels are generally outgoing and friendly. It's hard to know where they're coming from. If he were foreign, or if you were in a foreign country and unfamiliar with the cultural customs, then it's even harder. You have to feel safe to come out. Coming out is risky. The last thing you want is some drunken stranger to turn on you and reject, assault or kill you. It can be hard enough if our own families and friends hurt us. The question to ask yourself is, "what kept you from coming out?" If you felt unsafe then playing it safe like you did makes sense. If you felt safe but were ashamed, then that's a little different.

In that case, you may have chosen to go out and get a drink with him. Just be yourself as a person offering companionship. It doesn't have to be about gay or straight. Feel him out. Based on that come out or not. Maybe it's an irrelevant issue; and hopefully someday it will be.

Today we're the target of hatred which is being sponsored by many lawmakers in the guise of religious morality in our own country. The message from these lawmakers is that we are so reviling that we are outcasts undeserving of the same human compassion and rites they cherish. That we are less than them and scapegoats for whatever threatens them. Ultimately, this, and growing up in a heterosexist homophobic culture, results in low self esteem. We end up turning their hatred on ourselves.

While keeping safe we cannot hide in shame and self loathing. Like Glinda the good witch says "come out, come out wherever you are..." By being out we can help people know us, like us and see that we are more like them than different.

Dear Angelo,

Does size really matter?

Signed, Size Queen

Dear Size Queen,

I'm sure if we underwent months of Freudian style treatment I could come up with some plausible reason for your fascination with large penises. What turns us on and puts us over the edge sexually reveals a lot about us. It's part of our love map so to speak. Our blue print to one of the rooms in our house. There are often reasons for our "fetishes" that trace things back to our early years when we decode the symbols. But I digress.

On the one hand, there are men who like small penises. To them big is not better. There are others who don't care either way. "It's icing on the cake," they might say. Then there are size queens. And if size matters to you, then it matters. But it's important for you to keep realistic expectations.


Most people will say the average human penis is 6 inches. But the guys used in those studies "measured" their own and we know how we all like to add a bit on. Even the porn industry seems to use some fantasy conversation (like 5 real inches=7, 6=8, 7=9, 8=10) which then becomes some false benchmark. I've read more reliable studies, that have another person doing the measuring (lucky), that show the average penis to be 5.2 , 5.5 or 5.8 inches long. In any event, size is not a measure of manhood. Indeed there are men with micro-penises (some transmen). Visit

So, what's your preference?

Angelo Pezzote, MA, LMFT (MFC41291)

The Gay Man's Therapist
For Today's Gay Man
Would you appreciate a safe, supportive environment to talk about personal concerns? Get useful tools from a specialist who understands.
Manhattan, NY Office Tel: (917) 673-5003. LA Tel: (310) 475-8880. Telephone Coaching Also Available Worldwide. Visit


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